A Christmas Recipe

Christmas CartoonMERRY CHRISTMAS!!


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Halloween Pumpkin rates wine! Strange but true!



The price of a bottle of wine is enough to scare the shite out of most people in this country but note the subtle differences in the two pictures below.

When a bottle of Eaglehawk was placed beside this Halloween pumpkin it clearly wasn’t at all impressed, however later a bottle of Lidl’s Cimarosa Merlot was left beside our pumpkin and look! it was positively delighted.

The pumpkin is not impressedThe pumpkin like this!

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A Cool Christmas present for the Wine Lover

Chateau Butterly BW web

Get your name on a cork!                      Isn’t this just cool, you may never own a Chateau but at least with these personalised cork drawings you can feel like you do. Each drawing is unique with your name on the side of a cork with a chateau or well known area sharing the space.

details on; http://www.marksmarks.co.uk/wine-pictures


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Ten good reasons why you should have a glass of Wine tonight!

I. A modest glass of wine has ten times the antioxidants of the most powerful cosmetics yet a fraction of the price and the added benefit of being applied “internally”.

II. Wine has been a facilitator in all of our most successful courtships.

III. Wine stimulates romance and lubricates procreation while simultaneously lubricating romance thus stimulating procreation.

IV. If there is no fire in the hearth, a bottle of wine will add fire to the  heart of any gathering.

V. Wine loosens both the ligaments and cerebellum thus bestowing the ability to tango upon just about everybody.

VI. Wine darkens the molars so your superiors won’t always see you laughing at how seriously they take themselves!

VII. Wine is essential to the curing of any broken heart.

VIII. Wine sharpens the vision allowing many a man to see things he shouldn’t– and not see things others thought he should have!

IX. A wine soaked soul is inflammable and therefore cannot burn in hell!

X. Wine adds weight to the girth of a man, reminding those carrying his remains of how much he endeavoured to enjoy his life.

okay there’s eleven!!

XI. Wine’s aromas alone stimulate memories of holiday romances,  memorable get togethers, forgotten liasions, lost loves and broken promises!

XII.  I f**ken deserve one!!– reposted from Sept. 2011… just looking for a reason to open a bottle!

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Vital Information when dating a Wine Drinker! What a Wine Drinkers nasal profile says about them!

Groundbreaking new research reveals that simply by looking at someones nasal profile we can deduct what sort of wine they drink frequently and what it says about their character!

The Winephantoms Guide to Wine Noses 2014

Cut this out and bring it on your next date!

Wine Noses


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Another wine problem solved by Winephantom’s Aunt

Dear Winephantom’s Aunt,

I travel quite alot and regularly with my work and my husband of 16 years works 200 yards from our house in his own small yet successful business. I had noticed recently a new PA to whom he seemed to be giving considerable of attention.

My jealousy and  suspicion got the better of me and I  decided to arrive home deliberately and unexpectedly early- and to my horror my worst fears were manifested!

To my utter repulsion on my dining table, there were two unfinished rare steaks, an unfinished bottle of my favorite Macon Chardonnay and items of male and female clothing strewn towards the bedroom from which sounds of rapture were emanating…

Stacey. (location with editor)


Dear Stacey

I share your Repulsion! even my pet dog knows that a Macon Chardonnay will be murdered by a rare fillet steak!

With a fillet steak I would suggest a mid range Bordeaux with grippy tannins and lots of fruit intensity ,Malbec with its depth and tannins would also suffice or something from the Northern Rhone.

I would suggest something, primarily red and quite robust with red meat.


Winephantoms Aunt.

For more wine and life problems click on Winephantoms Aunt page above

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A chardonnay tasting note..honestly!

The tasting note reads……..

Aromas of peach, oatmeal, subtle notes of charred peat, seasoned by complex lees derived characters, with flashes of matchstick. The palate has intense fruit power in the spectrum of nectarine to peach stone fruits is deftly laced with complex seasoned oak that adds a zesty orange rind and ginger component to the wine. Powerful and long, the 2012 will be more immediately appealing given the sheer unadulterated intensity of the wine. This wine is an essay in depth and balance.

Which of course we all know means…..

Chardonnay is to sophistication what Vaseline* is to foreplay


*A well known brand of Petroleum jelly




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Suggestions on How to Drink Less Wine This Year!

No. 1;  Deliberately miss-match  your food and wine!

mismatch your food and wine

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Christmas Wine Cartoons

Following requests, here are all the previous Christmas wine cartoons… Bear and deer wine xmassanta and venison© winephantom Santa and a hot bird! ©winephantom Santa on Chateau Margaux ©winephantom

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The Noble Wines and Their Effects on the Human Brain

Launching today this print tells you everything you didn’t know about how the noble wines affect you and your partners behaviour. It will tell you why you should not drink Riesling before attending a ball or why you should wear sturdy well buttoned pyjamas when sleeping off an evening of Bordeaux wine.

It’s humourous, it’s tasteless and it’s sexist but it may be right.!

A limited number of prints are available at; marksmarks.co.uk  

LesVinsNobles_70x50cm_Rev01 webExtract from “Les Vins Nobles- Le Chardonnay

classic chardonnay is a deceptive grape. When consumed by males, it reacts vigourously with the male hormone testosterone. The mans medial prefrontal cortex becomes helpless and disengages the area of embarrassment, relieving the man of his self respect. It overwhelms the sense of taste and style which can result in the wearing of repulsive garment and footwear. The cortex of the female is affected in a different way. Taste and style neurons are excited by chardonnay leading to the, often unnecessary, purchase of shoes and handbags. 


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